September 11

Today marks the eight-year anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks. MSNBC is replaying news coverage from that morning; against my better judgment, I tuned in.

I haven't seen images from 9/11 for quite some time. I remember when it first happened, I was glued to the TV, couldn't turn the damned thing off. It seemed so unreal, like a movie. I know many people have described it like that - I'm sure that's our human way of shielding ourselves from the horror, from the knowing that it actually happened. One of the most chilling photos I saw was on the cover of a magazine - Time, I believe. It showed the WTC and a plane was in the shot, just seconds before it plowed into one of the towers. It was horrifying because you knew that within a heartbeat of that frozen moment, all hell was going to break loose. I would stare at that photo, wishing I could reach in while time was motionless and pluck that plane out of the sky.

I joined MSNBC's coverage while the first tower was burning, and I could feel myself getting ill because I knew what was about to happen. I can't even really describe the emotion that welled up in me while watching the second plane strike the other tower. My brain had the "this is a movie" thought again for a brief moment, and then I just started to wail. I did that weeping/screaming thing that you do when tears alone don't seem to adequately express the terror and rage and sickness and sadness that come from some deep, dark place inside.

I couldn't bear to watch the towers fall so I turned the channel to ESPN, wanting to regain some equilibrium through the utter banality of people talking about sports. Even without seeing it happen again, I know the shadow memory of those buildings crumbling to the ground in a plume of smoke and metal and humanity will be with me the rest of my life.

Thank you to all the emergency personnel who risked their lives to rescue others. Thank you to all the firefighters from across the nation who travelled to NYC to help. Thank you to all of the everyday people who became heroes with their actions on that day. Thank you to the brave passengers on United Flight 93 who sacrificed themselves to perhaps save many, many others. Thank you to everyone who refused to let the terrorists win, who wiped the proverbial blood from their mouth after such a hard blow and said, "You can't keep us down forever. We are stronger than that."

Blessings to everyone who was affected by this life-changing day.