Chaos Take Me

I have a recurring dream that features tornadoes. Eventually, I came to the realization that I usually have these dreams when my life is stressful, so I've taken to calling them my chaos dreams.

The setting is always my childhood home - I'm sure there's a deep psychological reason for that, I just haven't quite put a finger on it yet. Typically, the tornado(es) pass by the house or I wake up just before they hit the house. Not so on Thursday night.

In the dream, I was standing in the doorway between the living room and kitchen. My mom was sitting in a chair at the kitchen table and my (deceased) father was in his easy chair, which was tucked away in the corner of the kitchen. There was no panic. A bit of apprehension, but no outright fear. The tornado passed over the north portion of the house. I could feel the pressure inside the house changing, and I felt like I was being sucked upward but I managed to keep my feet on the floor. I kept chanting, "Keep it together, keep it together," as though I were imploring the house to stay in one piece. The tornado moved west and did some damage to one of the sheds on the property, and then I woke up.

It's no surprise that this dream was visited upon me right now. My life feels quite out of control at the moment. My job is going to hell (which is probably ironic, considering I work for a church); the plumbing in our house has been screwed up for over a month so we haven't been able to take a shower or a bath, and standing in the tub pouring a bucket of water over yourself doesn't quite cut it; money has gotten tight, which makes me nervous; and there's always the low-level concern I feel about the state of the world.

Hopefully soon, our plumbing will be fixed (plumber's coming out Monday); I'll get a job I enjoy; we'll win the lottery (which would preclude the whole job thing completely); and a new president will be able to create some semblance of sanity from the wreckage left by the Bush administration.

Breaking Point

I believe I have reached mine.

We haven't been able to use our upstairs bathroom for about a month because all three water-consuming facilities (toilet, tub, and sink) are leaking. Hopefully we'll have some resolution (in the form of gods-awful expensive repairs) by the end of the month.

The downstairs shower is leaking so we can't use that. If you read my husband's blog, you'll know why we can't use the downstairs tub, whose repair hinges on a type of faucet that they apparently don't even make anymore.

Due to the downstairs tub issue, we've had to rip up part of the carpeting because it started to stink like a wet, dead dog, and I'm going to assume we'll have mold growing inside the wall under which the water seeped.

Something so stupidly infuriating happened at work that I was ready to quit on the spot and am now entrenched in the hunt for a new job.

I might need an MRI for an ongoing back problem.

We took our cat Oliver to the vet today, and he has gum/tooth problems that will require (expensive) teeth cleaning and perhaps tooth extraction. This is stressful to me in a multitude of ways.

Add to that the troubles of the world which I can't totally block out, and I'm ready to curl up in the corner and cry until I'm exhausted.

While the logical part of me realizes that none of these are "end of the world" scenarios, the emotional part of me is fed up and wants to pitch a holy fit complete with insane crying jag.

Bridges Shouldn't Fall Down

When the clock reads 6:05 p.m. today, it will mark the one-year anniversary of the collapse of the I-35W bridge.

Blessings of comfort to those who lost loved ones in the disaster.

Blessings of peace to those who survived but who are still suffering emotional or physical trauma.

Blessings of gratitude to the first responders - police, fire fighters, medical crews, and "regular" people who did what they could to help. Peace to them as well, for whatever post-trauma battles they may still fight in their dreams.

Blessings of healing to my native state.