Where Do I Begin?

I've been mulling the last couple days, trying to figure out what the purpose of this blog would be. (I'm a Virgo - everything needs to have a purpose.) I stopped writing in my paper journal over a year ago. I didn't feel as though I had anything important to say. Not in a depressive "I'm nobody so why bother?" kind of way. Just in a "In one hundred years, will it really matter what I did or what I'm feeling right now?" way.

But lately, I've been feeling the pull again to journal write, which led me to this (blog)spot. I type faster than I handwrite, so I feel more comfortable journalling in this manner, which I think will help me actually write.

As to my purpose here... I don't want this place to be like the journals I used to keep when I was younger: "Went to school and had a test in Biology. Ate dinner. Got a letter from a friend. Went to bed early." And I don't want this place to be a laundry list of everyday occurances. I have friends to whom I write letters and emails (not as prompt on those things as I should be but...) and with whom I share the mundanity (is that even a word?) of Life. I don't want to be repetitious because that's boring and doesn't serve much purpose.

I want to plumb the depths of my subconscious here. Explore my creativity, which has been sorely neglected for too long. Engage in play, discover my Reason for Being, figure out What's Next in Life. I'm nearly 41 years old, and I'm really starting to feel my age these days, thinking that I haven't really done anything in the first half of my life. I'm hoping that I can kick-start my soul and actually start doing things that will make me blissful, make me feel like I'm living and not just surviving.

Do or Do Not...

And with that lead-in from Jedi Master Yoda, I'm officially kicking off my first blog entry.

Wow. Scary. Faced with all this blank, black-hole-that-sucks-creativity-from-the-marrow space. But if I say I'm a writer, then I need to write, dammit. Still, I can feel my innards cringing away from the task at hand, my brain racing with things that I really should be doing right now, that spiteful mean-hearted Internal Critic snickering in my ear. Argh, I need to give that jerk a blindfold and a cigarette and give the order to Fire!, ya know? (The cigarette would be heavy tar and unfiltered too - muhahahahaha.)

Anywho, I digress...

Hopefully having an official blog will force me to actually write every day. We'll see what happens.