Who are You? (Part 2)

Since I wrote about who I am currently, I thought it might be a good idea to write about who I want to be. I'm an impatient sort who hates the thought of taking baby steps toward a goal; however, trying to span the chasm in one giant leap doesn't seem to be working, so I'll try a different tact.

I want to be (a): bookstore/pagan shop owner, wildlife educator, child-like, living in an eco-house designed by my husband and me, founder of a no-kill animal shelter, hopeful, publisher of a magazine/newsletter about animals or nature/ecology, best-selling author, founder of a pet cemetery, eco-crusader, unafraid, playful, world healer...

It's hard not to be discouraged. I feel like some of those things are such lofty goals that I'll never reach them. I'm not sure where to start, how to start. I hate feeling defeated before I even begin - that negates the purpose of even trying. Optimism would probably help right now, but I'm not feeling it. I don't know why being true to oneself has to be so hard.

Who are You?

Over the past few months, I've been trying to determine who I am. I've been reading books and taking tests and still, I'm left with little clarity. Eventually, I understand there will have to be a time when I stop reading about doing stuff and actually start doing stuff- you can only prepare for a test so long before it's time to actually sit down and take the damned thing.

When I sit and try to think of my passions and what I'd like my life to be, I start to feel stymied and stonewalled and restless and defeated. I did a couple online tarot readings, just to psychically test the proverbial waters, and both were disastrous - malicious intent, legal problems, failure. For the reading I did this morning, my outcome card was the Devil reversed. I can't imagine getting a worse card in the outcome spot. This cannot bode well, and I admit that it made me a bit edgy.

Fortunately, I put more stock (not that I base my entire life on what's revealed during divination, but it does have its value) in the gentler readings I get from my Animal Medicine cards. I did a reading a couple weeks ago where I asked for guidance as I was feeling suffocated and stymied. The basic gist of the reading was teach others what I've learned, be still and open myself to messages coming from all around, let go of baggage, and stop being afraid. Okay, that's a lot more hopeful than the destruction and carnage promised in those online readings.

As I attempt to discover my passion in life, I thought it might be helpful to write down who I am so I can get a clearer picture of where I am right now and where I need to go. You pretty much need to determine a starting point before you can plot how to best arrive at your destination.

So here goes...

I am (a): Virgo, daughter, wife, friend, cat caretaker, secretary, water phobic, passionate about animals and the environment, Amazonian (at least in spirit), good Witch, critical, realistic/pessimistic, humanist, hateful of hypocrisy/dishonesty/injustice, lover of medieval stuff (garb, speech), voracious reader, lover of unusual words, mythology and ancient Egypt buff, out of shape, healer, teacher, meat eater, good driver, hockey fan, Scanner, musically inclined, sentimental, wary of change, organized...

That's all I've got for now. Hopefully there'll be more to follow.