Regrets, I Have A Few

Spike TV has recently obtained the rights to the STAR WARS movies so of course they've rebroadcast the films numerous times already. I happened to catch the last ten minutes of Return of the Jedi last night, and it made me recall seeing the movie for the first time in 1983.

Instead of being joyous like the dancing, bouncing Ewoks, I was in tears. I had grown up with these characters, gotten emotionally invested in them, and it hurt quite a great deal to know that I'd never see them in new adventures again. [And then Lucas not only screwed up the trilogy - Episodes 4-6 - by making "improvements," he hung the horrible saga - Episodes 1-3 - on us like an albatross around our necks. Aye, that's a huge regret for me, but it wasn't one of my creation, so it doesn't really count.]

As I was ruminating last night, it struck me that I was only 15 when I saw ROTJ. A young, naive kid who had no idea what the next 25 years would bring. And those 25 years have brought along some regrets:

...that I didn't go to college when I was younger.
...that I didn't take better care of myself.
...that I wasn't more outgoing in school.
...that I wasn't better about saving money.
...that I didn't spend more time with Tommy and that I didn't catch his tumor while it was still treatable.
...that I spent so much time/energy/resources after developing a huge crush on a Hollywood bonehead.
...that I didn't tell Dad to pass on having chemo treatments.
...that I didn't keep playing music in some form.
...that I never learned to play piano.

But even if I had the opportunity to go back and talk to my younger self, would I tell her about any of this? In sci-fi, you hear so much about "polluting the timeline" - would telling her these regrets cause her to make changes that would have a ripple effect?

If I'd gone to college, perhaps I'd never have met Melissa, my best friend. If I'd never met her, I may've never moved to Texas. If I hadn't moved to Texas, maybe I'd never have met my husband-to-be. Granted, some of those things might've happened regardless...but I don't know that for sure. Life isn't one of those "choose your adventure" books - if you don't like the outcome, you can't instantly go back to page 3 where you're safe and sound. If you choose to open the door and there's a monster behind it, well, game over, man.

So I'm not sure what good having regret is, if you wouldn't go back and change anything, even if you could. Maybe it's value is more proactive than retroactive - it helps you make changes going forward, so you don't continue doing things you regret.

As Master Yoda said, "Always in motion is the future." Very good advice from a very sage Dagobavian.