Don't Shred the Children

Our new shredder at work has a pictograph of a child with the universal NO sign (circle with a slash) across it. I can only assume that means we're not supposed to stick kids in the shredder. There goes my to-do list for next Tuesday, shot right to hell.


That story has nothing to do with this post, other than the title. It just tickled me for some twisted reason.


It's been a little over a week since I had my epiphany and, happily, it hasn't worn off yet. I feel quite buoyant and very "clean," if that makes sense. My psyche feels refreshed. It was like I was coated in the soot created by my job-related negativity and letting it go was like loosening a shower that washed the grime from my soul. I feel like a different, better person. I'm sure the folks around me think I've smoked too much crack or something, given my turnabout from massive pessimism to calm optimism.

Last Friday, just days after I took my first steps into the light, my newly born attitude was put to the test. I decided to celebrate the end of the work week with a feast from Taco Bell. [Shut up. Amo quesadillas del filete.] As I got out of my car and started the trek across the parking lot, I noticed three young girls - maybe 18 or 19 years old - heading for the building ahead of me. They were giggling and fairly boisterous.

Immediately, before I even had time to think, my emotional reaction was one of irritation. Bam, it was just there, my body tensing in response. Oh great, I'm going to be stuck in line with these squirrelly kids. Lucky me.

Seconds later, and much to my surprise actually, another voice popped up in my head. Those kids are going to act however they act and there's not much you can do about it. You can choose to have a bad attitude about it, or you can choose to have a good attitude about it.

I chose to have a good attitude and walked inside.

They were hovering in a little pod near the front of the otherwise-unpopulated line. When they saw me come up behind, one of them said, "We don't know what we want yet so you can go ahead of us."

Say what?

I stepped ahead of them and placed my to-go order, then stood aside to wait. They were no more obnoxious than any other customer. But I know if I'd had a crummy attitude, they would've seemed like spider monkeys hopped up on amphetamines and triple espressos, screeching and yawping and winging feces at each other.

One by one, they placed their orders (which were also to-go) and moved over to wait. After being told the total of her meal, the last girl looked at one of her friends and said, "My total is $6.66" with kind of a wide-eyed I'm-not-sure-whether-I-should-be-freaked-out-or-amused-by-this look on her face.

I may've heard her friend's response incorrectly, but it sounded like she said, "That's the mark of the bitch."

I laughed about that all the way home.